Today I have the pleasure of Barbara Silkstone’s talented words on Dragonfly Scrolls.
Santa and the Super-Glue
By Barbara Silkstone
Just a short note to let you know I arrived safely in London last night. The tube of super-glue you gave me in case I break a nail came in handy. No, not for me, my Christmas-red fingertips held up nicely even in the baggage claim at Gatwick which was as rowdy as the World Cup and nowhere near as polite. You are the best nail-tech / drag queen in Miami. I miss you already.
London looks like a precious Victorian Christmas card, all lights and smiling faces. The jingle of bells is a constant over the babble of tourists from around the world. Grinning like the Cheshire Cat, I walked to Harrods from my hotel this morning, certain I’d find some lovely gifts for all my friends back in the States. I promise NOT to bring home any English gentlemen for myself, no matter how much they look like John Cleese, but perhaps you’d like a Colin Firth look-a-like?
You are not going to believe what happened when I got to Harrods. I followed signs that offered a free gift to ladies who visited Santa in Ladies Lingerie. No, silly. He wasn’t wearing it. I stood in the queue waiting to sit on the skinny Santa’s lap. There was something familiar about his cockney accent. Just as it was my turn, which I can’t believe I even considered, Santa’s left ear popped out from his head. He yelped and pressed the ear to his white-wigged noggin. As the ladies in the queue gasped, his right ear jutted loose.
Remember that creep who testified against me in my trial? The one who committed perjury for theme park tickets? The guy whose ears swung away from his head like two open doors on a taxi when his super-glue gave way while he lied on the witness stand? Algy Green? He was the creepy Santa Claus! He didn’t recognize me but I sure recognized him behind his fake Santa beard.
Revenge is best served cold. I had a delicious bowl of Payback when the Algy – Santa squeaked “Super glue? Anyone got any?” I reached in my purse, took out my tube and pushed his head back. The bozo thought I was helping. Quick as a reindeer on a roof, I spritzed the glue over his lips and pushed his beard into place. I held it for a minute as I pretended to fuss with his Dumbo ears. He’ll be picking white cotton off his face until August.
All in all my London shopping trip has been a jolly time filled with satisfaction and holiday cheer. Thanks to your super-glue it’s already been the best Christmas ever. See you on the 24th.
Alice Harte is the heroine of best selling ebook:
The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters
Algy Green is one of the many villains who challenge her in this comedy mystery.
Available on Amazon Kindle:
Barbara Silkstone is the best-selling author of The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters ~ Wendy and the Lost Boys ~ London Broil ~ The Adventures of a Love Investigator, 527 Naked Men and One Woman.
Silkstone’s writing has been described as “perfectly paced and pitched – shades of Janet Evanovich and Carl Hiaasen without seeming remotely derivative. Fast moving action that shoots from the hip with bullet-proof characterization.”
Wendy and the Lost Boys topped the charts in comedy, climbing over Tina Fey, Sophie Kinsella and Ellen DeGeneres. The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters has been a consistent best seller in comedy. Both Wendy and Alice have been in the top 20 Amazon comedies at the same time. Silkstone has been fortunate enough to take part in writing workshops with Stephen King, Robert B. Parker, and James Michener.
Barbara loves to hear from her readers. Her blog site is:
Barbara Silkstone’s Books
Remember, Readers there is a contest going on this blog for the HolidayHop. Read all the rules and take up the challenge here. There are fantastic prizes, just here on this blog you can win an ebook copy of an amazing collection of short stories plus you go into the grand HolidayHop prize draw for the Kindle Touch.Don’t forget to hop to the other bloggers this holiday season and let the festive spirit infect you!