Scorned Heart

Hurt, raw pain
My heart is wrenched out
My core lies bleeding in front of me
The place I call home
is no longer mine
They say that love is unconditional
They don’t tell you it can lead to pain
All romance, all promises, all good
Love is a charlatan, I her mere pawn
It is sadness when love turns bad
It is irony when hope lives on
Love and honesty are ideals
This world is too realistic
The angels even scorned man
Love is a divine emotion,
We are mere mortals.

* Published online in Undead Poets Society, September 14, 2010 under last_lines

© All rights reserved Kim Koning.

Epiphany

through it all:after all the tears and smiles,
that is what we were born to do..
to have faith,
we are here to believe,
because we believe even after
it only makes sense to believe in loss….
our hearts continue to shine:just like stars
because we refuse to give in,
we refuse to let go of the hope that we are all here, walking this path and
traveling on this journey..
because of the wonderful unpredictability,
because of the possibility…
what if this was all meant to be,
we are here because after everything
it makes no sense:our hearts continue to believe.
Is that not the faith of a little child?
It is true innocence,
it is the wisdom that has defeated the mind of man?
We press on with the journey,
we continue on our path….
Because He has called us to believe…
Because Faith has called us to believe…
Because Hope has begged us to believe…
Because Love believes…
Faith,Hope,Love..
but the greatest of these is Love.
epiphany:
because we believe

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

Broken Wing

Did you ever heal a broken wing?
Did you ever hear the silent noise?
Did you ever see an angel fall?
Did you ever hear the owl call?
I feel a brokenness inside my soul
And an eternity within this space
I feel an emptiness besides your place
And a wound where my heart once lay
There’s a storm within a rainbow here
And an ocean of tears rains in my heart
Still my heart believes in living on
And my spirit keeps its silent song
There’s a brokenness that heals the fallen soul
And a pain that births all my joy
There’s a girl within this woman-child
And a new heart beats once again.

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

Loneliness

In the late hours of night
and the early hours of morn:
Silent tears fall from
my swollen eyes.
All my tears have fallen,
now my eyes remain swollen.
A sweet smile on my face
– a weak light in the winds of loneliness.
Each time a friendship begins,
each break in my heart deepens.
I entrust my heart, all my emotions
only to be drowned in betrayal.
Now – my heart bruised and ravaged
is captured behind walls of fear and doubt..
My heart is buffeted from bruising, from myself:
Loneliness whistles entry.

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

Passion

Losing myself…
Drifting…
Standing at the core of my life,
Watching my past, my present converge in unity.
Steeped in exquisite reverie
Memories cascade from the depths of my being.
The air tinged with joy, remembrance, love
underlaid with raw thirst, naked hunger,
searching…
Change – new, faraway
remembered feelings
Furnished in bareness.
I face an opening
Walking in quiet conviction
He enters, His eyes vigilant
Whirlwinds of emotion swirl about
A finished eternity – Wait.
watchful
Featherlight kiss of palm to face.
One tear falls, gently, hesitantly
– caught
Caressing temple to lips
hush. stay.
Chills of calm envelop me
I surrender to His warm embrace
smiling consent –
Admittance to my soul.
My heart has found its purpose
– Finally Believing.

*Published online 03/05/2001 – toastedcheeze.com

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

Man, Without

There is a cold
That seeps through my soul,
It is the cold of a waiting storm.
There is a hole that lies in my heart,
It is the hole of broken dreams.

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

The Servant, 33

tired and dusty,
– i have walked the streets
of despair and adversity –
blinded by the storm’s drumbeat
looking for a place of rest
i stumble into a stable;
my heart filled with unrest,
my instincts that of an animal.
i find straw for a bed
(not aware of Him)
i lay down my heavy head
and the world grows strangely dim:
i feel strong hands
gently lifting my weak, filthy body
i battle to understand
– Who would dare touch me so lovingly?! –
i fearfully open my eyes
finding myself in an empty manger,
i look into the eyes of The Crucified
as He kneels before my crude manger.
slowly He holds my feet
and in a gentle caress washes
clean the dirt and the grime of the street.
tears run down my cheek in ugly blotches,
– full of shame –
i watch as they fall
On the shoulders of Him who became
The Servant so that I may be called Royal.
Smiling – he wraps my feet
in royal cloth of white –
He wipes the trail of tears from my cheek
and tenderly embraces me in His Light
I succumb to His Love – newly cleansed and replete

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning

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Your Robes

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You allowed me a touch,
I stretched out my hand to grasp Your hem
In that moment I knew my weakness
I was overcome by sorrowful joy
Tears of forgiveness fell from my eyes
As Your embracing Love cleansed my soul
There was so little of man left
As Your Spirit flooded the gates of mine
How do I keep hold of Your robes?
But to call out to You and beseech You
Master, Father, Saviour of my Soul
Redeem this small servant before you
Willingly I shake free the shackles of earth
As I surely enter the throne-room of the King
I bow before my Creator in worship
For this is the purpose of my breath
Tarry not too long Lord
For my soul thirsts for You.

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

Temptations

Daily I am faced with arrows of temptation
My flesh is weak and unwilling
I look at my reflection in the mirror
I am filled with shame at my wickedness
Lord I long for Your daily washing of my soul
I long for the life-giving tears to wash my sin away
Daily the world wishes to defeat my flesh
But Lord I cling to Your Word made Flesh
I fall prostrate before your throne
Crying out Abba Father, Your will not my own
Lord I cry out for your boldness
I cry out to be scorched with the Flame of Life
Daily my flesh fails me and makes a deceiver of me
I thank You Lord that Your Spirit has overcome
The poison of the world’s arrow is dull
I will not be afraid or dismayed, I hand over to You Lord

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

OASIS | ISAIAH 53-54,ROMANS 4

Every great act that has been accomplished
Has come about miraculously from a barren beginning.
Our walk with the Lord is like a desert
Our faith is like a lonely cactus.
At times we are surrounded by countless worries and problems
Like the grains of sand in the desert
But a cactus is the one thing that can survive in this place of
hopelessness
Though rain may not fall for months
This cactus stores each drop
Our faith in Christ stores up sustenance in our soul
Even in the midst of this parched world we live in
Faith is our raindrop
And Christ is our Oasis.

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

Gypsy Heart

I now know where my heart calls home
I now understand my belonging
There is no place my heart can settle
There is no dwelling I call home
The deep quiet well that holds words
This is my belonging, my place to call home
My heart trembles within my soul
I write to feel at home and whole
One day I will grow old and gray
But my words echo my youth and joys
As long as I can write down my thoughts
I will always have a strong voice
This gypsy heart might roam the world
But my words will always roam my heart.

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

The Depths & The Breadths | Psalm 139

The earth trembles and breaks open
Thunderbolts with the sound of giant cymbals
Clash and echo all around me
Lightning flashes as the earth tears her womb
There is a rent in the soil beneath my feet
I smell burnt sulphur of fear in the air
My body cries out in fear with my heart racing
But my spirit sings in triumph and awe
As the cry of a newborn is issued from my lips
“Messiah! Holy One! Lamb of God! Jesus Christ!”
Excitement flows through me in waterfalls of joy
As I am wrenched from this place by a force as gentle as a breeze
With the power of an ocean. I arise.
In this place – It shall be done
Amen

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning

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Light In The Darkness

The house was covered in shadows
All around me I could see nothing
Then faintly in the distance
I saw a bubble of light
The light moved towards me
I watched as the shadows fled before it
Then the light enveloped me
Cupped in the hand of a man
He stood tall and quiet
All he held was a candle, small and bright
He held it out to me
I could feel the warmth of His flame
“Take this candle and hold it high
Let all around you be bathed in its light
Such is the citizen of My Kingdom
All the shadows of the world be scattered
Still holding the candle I looked around
There were small groups of people
They inched closer to the light
I saw their faces and knew them
They each held an unlit flame,
They held their candles to my flame
Soon the room was bathed in light,
Darkness has no place in this house

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

Ruined

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He was a man on the streets
Covered in nothing but filth and shame
They held their noses closed
Thanking God that wasn’t them
Even the corpses in their grave
Were offered compassion and love
This man belonged to the undead
And his name was ruined
He was a man with two feet in hell
And a drowning mind swallowed in evil
All he saw before him was darkness
All they saw in him was darkness
Coming to the end of Hope’s road
He looked around and saw nobody
Falling down he wept one last time
Yet no tears fell from hardened eyes
Looking down from above
Was an angel covered in love
His face wreathed in a smile
“Seek ye first the Kingdom of God
And all these things shall be added to you”
Then the man’s hidden heart opened
As heavy tears fell from his eyes
Where he had no hope, now he was joyful
The darkness fled as love’s light
Embraced his weary soul…
“Seek ye first the Kingdom of God”

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

From A Grandchild

He stood tall as an oak
His embrace hid me complete
He spoke to Nature
His harmonica sang to the birds
When he held my hand
I felt bubbles of joy fill the air
When he called me grandchild
Pride rippled through me in rivers
When night shadows threatened
I curled up under his bed
To wake in the morning
Covered in his blanket
Oupa…

(1923 – 2006: 20/02/2006, 14h43pm)

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

Dust, Butterflies, Rain

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Your first kiss had me dying
Your second kiss had me breathing
With your third kiss my walls fell down
All of me was shivering in tension
My veins felt like tightly wound violin strings
My heartbeats were an orchestra in my ears
You lay me down in your bed
I could feel where your body must have lain
There was still a soft embrace of warmth
The room was filled with your scent
It smelt like the fall of a rainstorm
I could smell the dust that is your daily companion
You lean down and kiss me tenderly
Your lips feel different now, like a butterfly’s wings
They flutter across my face, closing my eyes
They feel like the dust of the earth, warm and alive
Everywhere your lips land a circle of warmth begins
Your lips leave soft tattoos of butterfly wings on my skin
The night is cold and dark outside
My skin is warm with your butterfly kisses
A heat starts searing through me, deep in me clouds are breaking
I feel like the scent of the rainstorm has entered my veins
The thunder of my heartbeats drowns out my thoughts
The lightning bolts flash through my flesh, I feel aflame
Your kisses are now too gentle
I arch my chest impatiently waiting for you to lift me
My heart beats out of me wanting to pull your kisses within
You kiss my skin and I wonder why you don’t burst in flame
I think the storm within is going to rip my body apart
I ache and everywhere hurts until your kisses become sharp and violent
Now your kisses become lightning bolts
Our bodies fuse into an ancient dance filled with the storm’s rhythm
The clouds burst and my skin becomes liquid rain
The butterfly tattoos are drowned in the storm that pours through me
I cannot hold my body on the bed anymore, it aches to have you
Swirls of dust blind me and I enter the sun, purple clouds break within
My soul reaches paradise,
my body is heavy lying in your embrace,
the rain quietens, I breathe

*Published in “Lines of Light & Shade” 2010

*International Anthology – Forward Press

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

Thief

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The moment our lips touched
I felt ancient drumbeats beat painfully at my chest
Terrible wild things raced through my blood
I died then your lips pressed mine
I became your creature that night
Death was sweeter than breath
Then you cruelly tore the end away
I was left barely breathing
You brought me back from the edge of this world
Life could not offer me the succour this dying could
I would have gladly died with your lips stealing my breath
Death would have been welcomed
I knew perfection in the instance you stole my breath
It is sweetest to feel the succour of being quenched
It is sweetest when you steal my breath
You opened my eyes and I glimpsed my edge
I knew then I was mortal, nothing more than a pulse
Your breath in my mouth shattered all strength
I felt that violence as your breath warred with mine
Your breath won and I was ready for you to finish me
As I waited for the drumbeats to destroy my chest
The violent music pierced my soul and I knew my end
Then just as the wild things threatened to carry me away
You pulled your mouth away and I could breathe
I never knew kindness could be so cruel and cruel would be my wish
The moment our lips parted
I felt the ancient drumbeats wake my frozen heart
Terrible wild things quickened my pulse into life
I breathed and your warm lips left mine filled with ice
You became my prison that night

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

?

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When I open my eyes, do I see?
When I open my ears, do I listen?
I look but my focus is blurred
I hear but space drowns out all sense
Am I awake or am I dreaming alive?
Is the door behind me still open?
Am I allowed to step back through time?
Is the heart within me still unbroken?
Is the spirit deeper still untouched?
Who have I become and where have I gone?
There seems to be space before me
I could step back from the edge
And give in to all my fear
But the gypsy spirit within me shouts out No
Fear has no hold on this girl, I step out

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

Who stares back at me?

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I stand in front of a mirror
The reflection is watery
I peer at the mirror of my decisions
I am swallowed into the waters of reality
I have let the image swallow me
I fell into the world’s deceit
Dreams are unfulfilled, childish
I lost them to become an adult
Now I stand in front of their mirror
I feel like I am in a circus
I do not know this person in front of me
My fist smashes through the lie
Who stares back at me now?

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.

Loss

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i lost myself this morning
i forgot who I had become
i slept to escape the reality
i woke to a blank page
Now I have the freedom
I have unlocked the doors of my prison
I have become childlike
I have found my dreams
I stand on top of a cliff top
Space falls away from me
I close my eyes and my heart stops
I step out and the heavens await me

© All Rights Reserved Kim Koning.