2018 | When Life is a Circus & Other Cat-astrophes

Life in 2018 has been a circus with all the circus animals running wild and the clowns dropping all the balls.

Speaking of wild animals and cat-astrophes….

I adopted a feline furbaby at Christmas last year. With life being so crazy and tipsy-turbo, I haven’t had a chance to introduce her to you people in Blog-land.

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Meet Nyx.

This girl has brought a brightness and joy to my life in a year when I’ve really needed fun distractions. Jazz, my canine furbaby, absolutely adores his little sister. The two of them can be heard running around the house chasing each other from the early hours of the morning.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had a cat and Nyx is the little cat with mischievous Cattitude and the biggest heart. From the first moment I met her, she stole my heart away. She is a bundle of furry energy which is just as well because her canine brother is the craziest, most energetic furboy I know.

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Begin again with the smallest numbers

Burning the Old Year | NAOMI SHIHAB NYE

Letters swallow themselves in seconds.

Notes friends tied to the doorknob,

transparent scarlet paper,

sizzle like moth wings,

marry the air.

So much of any year is flammable,

lists of vegetables, partial poems.

Orange swirling flame of days,

so little is a stone.

Where there was something and suddenly isn’t,

an absence shouts, celebrates, leaves a space.

I begin again with the smallest numbers.

Quick dance, shuffle of losses and leaves,

only the things I didn’t do

crackle after the blazing dies.

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Winter, Wolves, Words

I have been dreaming of wolves for the last year or so. My dreams are always vivid. I also have many lucid dreams; dreams where I can control the dream and even where I can re-enter a dream days after having it. All of my stories have come from dreams. Vivid dreams that wake me up at 4am in the morning scrambling for pen and paper to write down what I see in my dream world. But lately there have been two dreams that I keep on having…

One is a dream of wolves and the other is a stirring in my imagination, new scenes in a new story in a new series…

The wolf dream is a favourite and one that I love to return to. I have always believed that if I have a spirit animal, as the native Americans talk about, it is the Wolf. There is something about wolves that call to my soul. So it does not surprise me that for the last year I have been dreaming of wolves. I have been at the crossroads of death and life, grief and joy these last 400 days. Dreaming of the wolves symbolises change, a wandering and roaming both literally and figuratively, a need for freedom and a longing for my pack. I am searching. I am hunting. I am roaming. But I am roaming in the spirit of the Wolf. I am feeling more certain than I have been in a very long time of where I want to be, who I want to be, what I want to write.

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Winter | Refresh

The sun is setting earlier and rising later. The skies are a crisp clear ice-blue. The air outside is fresh against my skin. Winter is here in the Southern Hemisphere. Winter makes everything feel fresh, crisp and clear. So I thought, what better time to refresh the look of my website…

 

 

Refresh

 

  • refresh | rɪˈfrɛʃ/ [verb]
  • verb: refresh; 3rd person present: refreshes; past tense: refreshed; past participle: refreshed; gerund or present participle: refreshing
  • give new strength or energy to; reinvigorate.
  • “the shower had refreshed her”
  • synonyms: reinvigorate, revitalize, revive, restore, brace, fortify, strengthen, give new strength to, enliven, perk up, stimulate, freshen, energize, exhilarate, reanimate, wake up, resuscitate, revivify, rejuvenate, regenerate, renew, breathe new life into; More blow away the cobwebs; informal | buck up, pep up; rare in spirit
  • “the cool air will refresh me”



It’s been about 3 years since I refreshed the look of my digital home. Which meant it was high time to change things up.

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2016.Bitter.Sweet.

…Today is a difficult day I feel overwhelmed by pain: emotional waves of grief and emptiness that keep on breaching my foundations; foundations weak from physical pain-migraine! I’m angry at myself for being a mess today. I’m angry that I feel so broken and I’m doing all I can to hold onto the broken pieces…but really I just want to throw away all the brokenness and wipe the slate clean and start again, build myself back up…I’m still in Migraine Hell. The pain has dulled but the nausea is now kicking in with full force. I slept better last night but took a while to fall asleep…too much noise in my brain again. But I put on my headset and drowned the noise with music. There is a numbness today after all the emotion that poured out of me yesterday…This is not the End of me…This is the beginning…For so long I had caged my heart, told it to keep quiet. I have lead solely with my head. But I have only survived, I have lived a life half-lived. But losing A so soon, too soon, opened that dark lock-box where I had hidden my heart. Suddenly it was no longer just a lock-box but it had transformed into Pandora’s Box. Suddenly I couldn’t contain, couldn’t constrain, couldn’t control all the emotion that came pouring out of this hidden place. Grief, rage, death, loss skinned me of all my protective layers. I was left unformed, raw, vulnerable, unprotected from the elements, all my dam walls broken in millions of pieces…this journey was a part of my destiny. It would take something tragic, something devastating to move me from the grey places I had walked into when I shut away my heart. The worst thing happened. Someone I loved, someone who was part of my history, part of my story, part of my identity…Left. Not only did she leave but I lost my chance to see her in person once again. She was ripped from my life, taken away with not enough warning. There are moments in life and death that define us, shake the very core of us, change us. There are moments in life that are defined by what came before and what came after. This is my moment. This is the moment, the fragment in time, where I decide to either stay the same or change direction. This journey has freed my heart from the martingale I had constrained it with. Then my heart, now raw, free and untethered suddenly found a reason to wake up…It was both the most painful trip I have ever had to make but also the most clarifying journey filled with sweet pockets of unexpected joy…I cannot help but think that A is still being my BFF and arranging circumstances and moments to bring me joy, to remind me what it means to truly live, not just survive but thrive. Seeing A go through the Cancer with courage and yes even with joy and still believing in love, in spite of the Cancer or perhaps because for her the Cancer clarified how short and precious life is and how rare joy and love is…| excerpted from my journal ~ 2016

I’ve been away, both from this blog and from my own life. I’ve come back from a life-changing, life-altering journey. A journey that I never wanted to take but one that is now part of my story. The journey started 26 years ago when two adolescent girls met one morning waiting for a school bus and said “hello”. One of these girls is me at 12, just moved to a new town with no friends. The other girl is A: a girl who stands with her ballet dancer’s elegance, her feet meeting at the heels and toes pointed in opposite directions. That first “hello” changed my story and opened the chapter of a life-long friendship. In 2016 that long chapter changed with the last words I told my friend, the ballet dancer, the daughter, the sister, the mother, the woman, the nurturer, the compassionate one, the warrior, my anchor; when I told her she could let go now, she could rest.

In 2016 I lost one of the cartographers of my past.

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2011 Goal~Project365/2011 The creative me is taking priority over practical me

This week has been a week of reflection. It is the first week of the New year of the New decade. This is a time when most people look behind them at the past and resolve to make things better and newer in the New Year. I am one of those millions of people who have been going through New Year reflections. I have had a few A-Ha moments that I would like to share with you in this post.

A few months ago I wrote a post called: Joy is a Choice. It was an A-Ha moment that I had during one of my early morning Soul Photographs (Morning Pages). Joy is not a state of being and it is not a given. But Joy is a Choice. There is not much in life that we can choose to avoid or choose to manifest, most of life happens by happenstance or circumstance and how we react to those times.

But Joy is more than an emotion.

Happiness is an emotion.

Joy is an attitude.

The French have the best phrase for this:

Joie de Vivre

The Italian phrase that corresponds to this is:

La Bella Vita

This year my 2011 Word of the year is Possibility. I have also decided to focus more on the creative me and less time on the practical me. I have decided that life should not be a case of “Live to work” but rather a case of “Work to live”. I am going to make this a year of  Joie de Vivre and Life is going to be La Bella Vita.

How?

I am going to be branching out more creatively speaking and better my current creative crafts (whether that be in writing, photography) and opening myself out to the Possibility of other creative pathways. I am signing up for classes at a local Arts Centre from February. The classes that I have my eye on now are Painting (with a specialization of Surrealism) and Glass-Blowing.

I am also going to take part in something called Project 365. This is a project run by an extraordinary group of women who call themselves The Shutter Sisters. This is a project where you take a picture a day and then post it to the Website’s Flickr page called Shutter Sisters 365. The idea behind the project is exactly the same idea to what I had when I wrote Joy is a Choice. It is to capture a moment that inspires Joy in you through the lens of a camera. The ladies on Shutter Sisters put it in a sentence that really resonates with me this year:

“This was all about moment, right? Staying in the moment has a way of dissipating negativities even though we catch them in freeze frame with our cameras. When you sit with sadness or anger you are in control of ushering it out. When you sit with joy and love you are empowered and radiate it back to others. Photography has this magic to it as well. No one else has your eyes. No one sees the world exactly as you do. That is a beautiful thing!”

– Meredith Winn (04/01/11)

So I have signed up to be a part of this Vision. I have always loved photography even before I studied it both in School and afterwards. I remember my first two photographs that really made me fall in love with viewing the world through the eye of a camera lens. I was about 11 years old and I was on holiday at the beach staying with my great-aunt. One day we went down to the pier. It was a stormy grey day and because of the impending storm, the beach and pier was empty. I took a couple of photographs on a simple 35mm point and shoot (this was in the days before digital) of the ocean being sheltered by a stormy sky. When I got home from my holiday I was excited to have my 35mm roll of film developed. The photos that I had taken that day on the beach were exquisite. They showed the impending power of the storm and gave a real emotion to the shots. I realised then that photography is a powerful tool in life. From that moment I was in love with shooting the world. Nature scenes are my favourite in particular beach shots and sky / storm shots are still my favourite. So this year I am going to post a picture a day that inspires me. I will post it on the Flickr site but will also be posting it via my new Tumblr account.

This year is going to be a year where I saturate my soul in creative pursuits. I am truly Joyful when I am doing something creative. That is my joy: Creativity,Passion, Travel and Change. It is going to be a year of POSSIBILITY and a year where I make the Choice to be Joyful and to have JOY.

What are you going to do that inspires you this year?

What new creative pathways will you pursue this year?

Share your creative aspirations here in the comments so that we can support and encourage each other.

Make this your year when the Creative You takes priority over the Practical You. Do what you love to do and what gives you joy.

I leave you with this quote which is on my 2011 vision board:

today is your day

to dance lightly with life,

sing wild songs of adventure,

soar your spirit,

unfurl your joy.

-Jonathan Lockwood Huie –



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